You Can Change
Transformation from the inside out
You do not have to be who you’ve always been.
We all have stories in our minds - a lot of them not even originally written by us - that depict who we are and what we’re capable of.
Day to day, reiterating those narratives seems harmless. After all, it reinforces a stable sense of self. But when was the last time you paused to think whether who you believe yourself to be is who you actually want to be?
Growing up, I was told I was impulsive, impatient, rigid, and sensitive. Those traits didn’t just characterize my behavior. They were applied as labels to define who I was.
The idea of self-improvement was never mentioned in my family. Generations of people who were “stuck in their ways” created the illusion that change isn’t possible - that you just have to take yourself and others as they are, regardless if doing so is adaptive or not.
I got heavy into personal development throughout high school. This is when I was first invited to take a hard look at myself - to face the fact that other’s perceptions of me don’t constitute my fate and that I’m responsible for the outcomes I want to witness in my life.
One of my first missions was to grow more patient. I deeply admired patience in others and didn’t want to be known as someone who wasn’t for the rest of my life. A tip I got from one of the motivational YouTube videos I watched was to ask trusted others where I fall short to identify my blindspots and request that they hold me accountable when I don’t show up as who I’m aiming to be.
Given that my family experienced the brunt of my impatience, I asked my mom to help me out with this. I hoped she would enlighten me on my shortcomings and support me in challenging this habit of being short-tempered. Instead, she just laughed and told me not to worry about it because she already accepted who I was. I was only 15 years old.
Thankfully, this didn’t prevent me from practicing and growing in patience - and later flexibility and mindfulness - but it all started with a decision.
A decision to take ownership over who I’ve been conditioned to be.
A refusal to believe that other’s limitations were my own.
A choice to keep trying, catching myself in misalignment, and course-correcting.
Change is not easy. The responses, thoughts, and behaviors you engage in most often are reflected in your nervous system wiring, and it can take months or years for new ones to feel like they’re even semi second-nature, but you are not defined by them - as long as you believe that to be the case. You are not a fixed being, and you can choose to show up differently in any given moment. Even when others are comfortable with you being who you are. Self-talk lies at the core of this.
Stop calling yourself lazy. You just have a habit of not challenging yourself to explore your potential.
Stop calling yourself undisciplined. You just have a habit of not following through with what you promised yourself you would do.
Stop calling yourself over-sensitive. You just have a habit of taking things personally.
You see, many of your traits are just a compounding of your habits. Once you change your habits, you will associate with different traits.
Here are some self-reflection/journal prompts to help you get started:
1.) What are some of my favorite and least favorite aspects of who I am right now?
2.) Which habits, thoughts, or behaviors reinforce those (least) favorite aspects of me?
3.) What kind of person do I want to become/be known as?
4.) What habits would that higher version of me have, both in thought and in action?
5.) What is one thing I can do/practice today that will align me with who I want to be?
No matter how old you are, how ingrained your habits are, or how many times you failed to change in the past, growth remains within your reach.
You are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for.
One step, one choice, and one behavior at a time, you can change your life from the inside out.
I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you 🫶🏼.
~ delicatehibiscus 💗
Comment below: What are you currently working to change, build, or improve in your life 🦋?
My answer: I’m working on listening to my intuition and following through with the decisions it’s nudging me to make.
This is such a beautiful and empowering reflection, I felt every word, especially the part about how many of the stories we carry weren’t even written by us. It’s wild how easily we internalise childhood labels and wear them like permanent name tags, never questioning if they still fit, or if they ever did. Your journey from accepting those inherited narratives to consciously reshaping your habits is deeply inspiring, and I love how you reframed traits as compounded habits. That line alone, “Many of your traits are just a compounding of your habits,” is such a powerful reminder that we are never fixed; we are always becoming. Thank you for the journal prompts too, I’m going to sit with them. Like you, I’m also learning to listen to my intuition more closely and trust its whispers, especially when fear or logic tries to drown it out.
This is beautifully motivational! And very helpful, being an excellent reminder to be conscious of our self identity and the importance of shaping it daily. Thank you for sharing! :)